Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
