if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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