hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
