If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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