I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
