so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
