I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
