Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Everything about him screamed your future.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
