Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
