She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
