I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Screwed.edu
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
