Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
