i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
