What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
