Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
