Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
two words...techno handjob
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
