That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
