isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it glows. i had to have it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
