her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
