when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
