You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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