The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
