My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
