my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
