And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
