stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
