Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
