put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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