I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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