thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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