I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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