saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
operation harelip BJ is a go
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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