____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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