thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
