Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
