Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Couch. On fire.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
