Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
