Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
