Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
