My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
