My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
