I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
