Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
