that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i out mim tonsoeep
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