Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
