$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
