OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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