I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
