I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you win again, gameday.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
