I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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