sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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