I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
