chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we made out on top of his cat.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
